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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23222116">cold bones, yeah that's my love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/keigold/pseuds/keigold'>keigold</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>my love, where do you wander? [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, Heavy Angst, Introspection, Kind of a bittersweet ending?, Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M, Pining, Self-Reflection, Song: Don't Let Me Go (Harry Styles), Songfic, harry is a soft smol bean, larry - Freeform, lots and lots of angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:21:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,607</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23222116</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/keigold/pseuds/keigold</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>They used to know what the other was thinking, no words necessary.  Now all Harry does is lie to Louis about his feelings, a countless amount of I'm fine's, and Louis never notices a damn thing.  When did things change?</p>
</blockquote>or; Louis and Harry try their hardest to not let go, but they can't help but watch helplessly as everything around them shatters into a million pieces.
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>my love, where do you wander? [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027245</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>cold bones, yeah that's my love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is low-key (actually very high-key) based on "don't let me go" by 2013 harry styles, and i am a rigid believer in saying that this song is DOUSED in larry.<br/>it OOZES larry.  it BREATHES larry.  it SOUNDS of larry.  it positively REEKS of larry.<br/>the sheer amount of larry feels in this song is so strong that it's all my nasal cavity can smell after listening.<br/>okay?  so do NOT try to fight me on this.  i'm warning you, i will not listen.</p><p>EDIT: 12.17.20 - this is one of my very first works, so please, treat me gently if this doesn't live up to your writing expectations.  i kind of cringe when reading this, but i'm not deleting it, because i'm not one of those writers who don't like to show their character growth and development (or, writing growth and development).</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>harry's at the studio, crying his heart out.  he's just finished his most recent song, the one that kept him awake during most nights, the one that made him shed tears on the now crinkled and folded piece of notebook paper.  and now he's in the studio, to record it, all alone (sam is with him, but he's different.  he isn't a part of the band.).  no one is there save for him and sam, but harry's having second thoughts about coming at all.  even if he records this song, it won't make any part of their next album.  nobody--not even louis--will even know it even existed.  nobody will know how he really feels about their--him and louis', to say--relationship. </p><p> </p><p>to say he's scared is an understatement.  but he needs to get it out of his chest.  everything is just so hectic and stressful lately, with him fake-dating taylor and louis needing to date eleanor and all the boys giving him sympathetic glances every time he's asked if he was dating anyone and management telling him and louis that they need to stop being so affectionate in public and he really can't deal with it anymore.</p><p> </p><p>so he writes this song.  well, they were really more of a bunch of random words that made no sense to anyone but him.  but that changed when he met sam mccarthy.  harry remembers when sam had shown him a voice-recording of him singing 'don't let me go' the way that he said they might record it. and it really was beautiful.  harry remembers crying the first time hearing the undrafted version, because all those words he meant for louis was now such an emotional song, with the perfect melody and chorus and everything about it was so perfect, even though it was only a first draft.  he's just so thankful for sam, god thank him, because, without him, harry's stupid journal entry would never have turned into the beautiful song it is now.</p><p> </p><p>or will be.</p><p> </p><p>because harry still needs to freaking <em>record</em> the damn thing.</p><p> </p><p>he takes a deep breath and slips on the headphones with trembling fingers and nods a bit to signal sam (who is outside in the recording room) that he's ready.  sam pushes a button and the soft piano intro begins to play.  harry takes a deep breath, exhaling shakily, as he knows his first verse is coming.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"now you were standing there right in front of me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i hold on, it's getting harder to breathe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>all of a sudden these lights are blinding me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i never noticed how bright they would be."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>harry remembers the time when louis was there for a concert but he wasn't really there.  harry remembers how panicked he was when he looked to his right and louis wasn't there.  then he looked to his left and he was there.  and harry had to reach out and hold his hand, but he couldn't and it was killing him on the inside.  and how all of sudden the blinding lights from everywhere in the stadium were seeming to choke him, clawing at his insides, causing his stomach to close up with nausea, how his breathing turned labored and he felt like throwing everything inside his stomach all over the stage.  </p><p> </p><p>harry swallows back the lump in his throat and continues to sing the next verse.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"i saw in the corner there is a photograph.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>no doubt in my mind it's a picture of you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>it lies there alone in its bed of glass</em>
</p><p>
  <em>this bed was never made for two."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>harry shuts his eyes tightly as he remembers the big fight he and louis had when management told them they both had to date women they didn't like, and louis had blown up crying at harry (who was also crying), and started throwing things around, accidentally smashing a picture of the two back when they were on the x-factor, grinning widely, arms around each other.  it was the first time harry had seen louis this angry.  louis left him alone that night, most likely going to a club to get high, drunk, or both.  harry cried for hours on the floor staring at the broken picture.  he slept alone that night.</p><p> </p><p>tears begin to slowly stream down harry's face as he keeps his eyes tightly closed shut.  he doesn't want to see the look of pity on sam's face.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"i'll keep my eyes wide open</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i'll keep my eyes wide open."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>who knows, maybe if harry pays more attention, he would see if louis really loves him as much as he says he does.</p><p> </p><p>he lets his voice belt out, singing the chorus.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"don't let me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let me go,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'cause i'm tired of feeling alone."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let me go.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'cause i'm tired of feeling alone."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>he really is tired.  he really is.</p><p> </p><p>he takes a silent shaky breath during the interlude, keeping his eyes closed the entire time.  he prepars himself for the next verse.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"i promised one day i'd bring you back a star</em>
</p><p>
  <em>i caught one and it burned a hole in my hand, oh."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>it seems like yesterday that harry was cupping louis' face softly with his hand, telling him he'd do anything for him.  and look what that led to.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"seems like these days i just watch you from afar,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>just trying to make you understand."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>they used to know what the other was thinking, no words necessary.  now all harry does is lie to louis about his feelings, a countless amount of i'm fine's, and louis never notices a damn thing.  when did things change?</p><p> </p><p>he sings his heart out, pouring out the remainder of his heart for the rest of the song.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"don't let me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let me go,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'cause i'm tired of feeling alone</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let me go."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>he hates himself for falling in love with louis in the first place.  why did they have to fall in love with each other?  why couldn't they just be friends?  being friends wouldn't have ever gotten them into this mess.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"don't let me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let me,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let me go</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'cause i'm tired of feeling alone"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>harry is close to sobbing now, but he restrains himself from crying out loud and sliding down to the floor.  he has to finish the rest of it, if only for sam's sake.  sam, who's indefinitely putting up with harry's emotional shit because he understands what it's like.  he swallows quickly and sings through the rest of the song.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"don't let me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let me go</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'cause i'm tired of feeling alone."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>will louis ever notice what's wrong?  is all of this pain even worth the fight?</p><p> </p><p>as harry brings himself to the closing verse, he speed-plays all the moments he'd shared with louis, both good and bad, and he feels himself getting even more emotional by the second.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"don't let me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let me go</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'cause i'm tired of sleeping alone."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>harry rests his head against the glass window that separates him from the rest of the world, his slumped position giving away his defeated state of mind.  he's done fighting.  he's done fighting for something that has nothing left in it for him to fight anymore.</p><p> </p><p>sam opens the door to where harry is and rests his hand on his back, soothing him.  but sam doesn't know to rub the space between harry's shoulder-blades like louis always knows to do, he doesn't rub soothing circles on his hip as louis would, he doesn't run his fingers through harry's hair like louis always does, and then harry remembers.  sam isn't louis.  and he has to stop comparing every human being in the freaking world to louis, the little, perfect, beautiful, sassy, blue-eyed, devil... no.  that has to stop.  he has to let go.</p><p> </p><p>sam comfortingly whispers, "let's get out of here, yeah?"</p><p> </p><p>harry nods mutely and allows sam to lead him out of the recording door.  he stops cold once he ses that all four of the boys are standing there, their faces closely resembling those of fish, and to say that they look shocked is the understatement of the century. liam looks emotional, his eyes are tearing up and he has a frown on his face.  zayn has a knowing, but sad look on his face as he shakes his head at harry.  niall's sporting a confused frown.  and then there's louis.</p><p> </p><p>his hand is over his mouth, his eyes are shining, and they hold so many emotions.  hurt, betrayal, love, remorse, sadness.  louis sighs, and whispers softly, "oh, harry.  why didn't you tell me?"</p><p> </p><p>and harry breaks down completely.  no, he doesn't fall blubbering to his knees in front of them (even though he dearly wants to), no, instead he shrugs and says, "i didn't think it was important", while his heart is shattering to pieces inside.</p><p> </p><p>to be honest, he can't feel anything right now.  the aching pain has dulled into something very numb, something heavy.  something that felt a lot like louis' hand enclosing his heart with skin made of ice.</p><p> </p><p>and he brushes off all the concerned glances and dumbfounded stares, walks right past louis and liam and niall and zayn and sam and leaves the studio.  and as he walks past the boy's car and strolls along the cemented sidewalk, he faces a sudden revelation.</p><p> </p><p>his heart feels heavy, but he supposes that's only normal.  that's not what surprises him, though.</p><p> </p><p>his heart is heavy, but it's also light at the same time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>and that's a wrap!  first ever official work on ao3, im so proud!!</p><p>edit 2/22/21:<br/>come yell at me on my tumblr: <a href="https://astronomicall-y.tumblr.com/">@astronomicall-y</a><br/>or my twitter: <a href="https://twitter.com/astronomicall_y">@astronomicall_y</a><br/>link to my discord server if you wanna come and chat: <a href="https://discord.gg/U5NqBhYqPp">dumbass HQ</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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